JUST STAY!!!

sometimes you just have to let go of the things you know are not for you...

things that became part of your life and will be just a part.

i don't want to believe that things change..but sometimes true things hurt

cause the only permanent in life is change.

and no matter how you want people to be part of your life permanently, they can't cause they have their own lives. And in one point of your life you will realize how different they are from you. 

Differences that you're trying to ignore yet its not enough,...

you want those people but they're not for you.

You loved those people but that's all you have, you can't have them.

I want to treasure them,..but they don't allow me to do.

they just forget me,..just like a boring movie.

is this how is it???

ALONE forever???

alone in this crazy unpredictable world!!!!!!!

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when suddenly it strikes you....

all i want now is to let go from his presence,..

from his shadow,..

...but whenever i see him,..

i just feel the same..

the old- super feeling.

yet i know my feeling will not change anything..

even him..

hUman with a humanoid hEart!

I am a human

cReature of God

living in the unpredictable world

breathing 

existing

in order to survive.

But now, I'm more like a humanoid...

moving

thinking

talking

yet, doing things is never a choice

instead a chance

my life is like a rock

hard and just flowing because of water.

 

the feeLing of missing you!!!

i never expect

nor to think

......

its a blast..

a reality that i can't 

escape nor hide

even to myself..

to anybody.

da time wen i saw ur name

on da screen..

of my worn- out celphone

on the computer appearing.

i felt excited..

i don't know why...

we talked..

we chat..

we text...

even you're too afar..

the thing is that i Miss you..
the moment when i laughed with u
we share thoughts
da time wen u said jokes
which made we laugh so hard no matter how corny it is..
and i'm looking forward to see you again one of this days...

maybe no matter how long may it take..

SUB- ROSA part 3

Isang guhit,
nagmula sa isang tuldok
hnggang sa isa pa.
Sinubukan kong
iguhit ka sa
hangin ngunit
ni-tuldok hindi
ko maaninag,
sorry...
kung sa kawalan
lamang kita
kayang iguhit,
at kung hawiin ka
man ng hangin
ay hindi ko mamamalayan.

SUB-ROSA part 1

Nabuo ka sa liko- likong

guhit ng kalungkutan.

Ninais kong baguhin,

ituwid,

ngunit naputol

at hindi ko na

magawang ibalik.

Tinangka kong burahin

ang guhit ngunit

tulad ng kandilang upos, wala.

hindi mabura na tila

marka na mananatiling

bakas, hindi ng nakaraan

o bukas kundi ng kasalukuyan.

Naisip ko sana

ginuhit na lamang

kita sa aking

mga palad,

baka sakaling  hindi na

kalungkutan

kundi kapalaran

ang magbubuo sa'yo sa akin.

Sa gayo'y mananatili ka

ng hawak ng mga kamay ko

at kailanma'y

hindi na kailangang

burahin at baguhin.

"Acrid Reality 2"

walking across the road....

I saw You

at the side 

of my sullen eyes..

I want to look

at You

but I chose

not to...

'cause the thought

of seeing her

beside You

is like an acid rain...

TOXIC

"Alleged Reality"

Sun arises from its thrown,
Blazing the sheathe
from its spicy
radiant.
From then,
i hold the drops
of algetic sensation..
With the clamor,
callous of utterance,
let me delve
unconscious
in my position.
Behind the shadow
of smile is the
crackling sobbed
of jealousy.

"WANDERING MIND"

Pakiwaring ang gabi

ay tila bingi

sa kaluskos ng

hanging tumatangay 

sa blangkong isip.

Ikaw, na pilit

na binubura sa

balintataw na

parang isang

maling salita

na hindi dapat 

bigkasin.

pumikit..

dumilat..

mga mata'y mahapdi.

Nalunod sa

isa, dalawa,,

at higit pang

patak ng mainit

na likidong 

tumutunaw sa

marupok na  gunita

ng isip.

ikaw, na iginuhit  sa 

naghihingalong

papel ng alaala..

Kailanma'y maaring

mapunit, magpiraso

at liparin,

sa hiwaga ng kawalan

hanggang sa tuluyang

mawala,...maglaho.

"Pusillaminous Heart"

Ilang tula,

istorya pa

ba ang dapat

maisatitik

ng pagal 

ko na mga

daliri..

Ilang panulat,

papel ang

dapat maubos

para maiparating

ang pakpak

ng aking hinaing..

Ano pa ba

ang dapat gawin

upang masilip

ng iyong mga

mata ang

madilim na 

butas na  

puno ng 

di- maarok na

damdamin  kung

saan nahihimlay ang

diwa kong pilit 

nagkukubli sa 

liwanag ng iyong

mga bituin.

TALE of Heart

              Listening...writing...reading....what else should I do  just to escape from this abstinence...in this edge of tedium. sad but true I was alone in the valley of delusion and broken dreams that will never be fixed in a snap of seconds. To gain an invisibility power is a desire of any imaginative minds but to someone like me, being invisible to the eye of someone I like is some kind of a torture.The scenario of being so close but yet so far, even the moment that you have to ignore the chant of your dessicated chest was like having a hemorrhage.

         

             His mysterious eyes, I like,...yet I can't looked at it. Afraid not to see myself through it or he might read the concealed reality in my eyes. Such like, spotting the dew of sea breeze at night was culled as sanctuary of denial. we're standing in a straight path range but still the rigid wall between us opposing which sets us apart. Pondering the scenes of now and then, nothing is about us. 

            Choice was already painted even there's no painter in day by day of pretensions. Drown in the ocean of gigantic sharks...hunting and sinking one's teeth into my innocent- warm-blooded flesh.

           Almost tired, breathless..its time to move on..to live behind this bitter- sweet tale of heart. His eyes will be just mysterious as it is and my shadow will just fade away...slowly...by the wind.

            

IDEAL

The thing is.....idealism is what i am. to live in clouds of imaginary scenery is like a medicine that cure me in this crazy- unpredictable world. As a mortal you have to deal with so- called variations of everything that yours eyes can perceived,...that your ears can hear,...emotions that you can touch or feel. the idea of living is being needed by anyone..and...you,..needing someone to complete your life.
 
 
To talk about life and love...very cliche yet it brought out the invisible spirit of humanity. So ordinary, i was thinking about this thing, inspired to write what's on my mind and how i feel...all because of that poetic- illustrator- romantic louisian guy. maybe its not that important if i don't write his name here; he just wake me up...make me sway in ideal. With all his poem, illustrations and prose orchestrate my inner longing...to be in love and taste the clandestine of sweet- humoric so- called Love. yes, I'm inlove deep inside...my heart was smiling.

 

"invisible"

"All i want is to see myself in his eyes.....to be the reason of his every smile....and to be the definition of his Love".

yes..what's wrong if i feel this way?

cause no matter what i do,..

no matter how i ignore this feeling...

no matter how i said to myself that he can't never be mine...

and no matter what he do..

even if it will make me glad or sad..

even if  it will hurt me...

 nothing had change..

the feeling goes strong..

and i don't know how it will fade away!!!!

he's the reason of my smile...no matter how sad i am..

he's the reason of my sadness no matter how happy i am..

maybe this is craziness...what can i do????

if i can just teach my heart...

if i can just change everything...

if i could just forget him in an instant..

i know i'm just invisible to him..

and i will never be the one for him...

that's the reality and all i can do is to live with it!!!!!!

"aFter yOur hEart"

Bring me to the highest mountains
Bring me to the widest plains
Fly me to the skies above
I'd still call out Your name

Bring me to the deepest waters
Drive me through the longest roads
Take me away from these shadows
I'd still call out Your name
I'll stand firm and pray


Cuz I don't wanna go somewhere else
I wanna run towards You
I don't wanna look away
Cuz my eyes are fixed on You
I don't wanna live for someone else
Cuz You gave a brand new start
And these feet'll keep on going
I'm after Your heart

Bring me to Your love's chambers
Bring me in Your midst
bring me to the palm of your hands

Sail me towards the rising sun
Sail me through the rivers run
Spread my wings awide
And I'll still call out Your Name
I'd stand firm and pray


Nothing else can satisfy, I'm after Your heart
To You alone, I give my life, I'm after Your heart
Cuz no matter where I go
No matter what I do
these feet were made to run after You
Only You

[ i have no idea until when i could feel this way. . .chance is all i need ...to change everything and to make wrong things be right. . .but you don't give the chance . .you don't know how this hurts me . ..maybe your'e not meant for me. . .maybe you'll just the memory of my cognizant past . ..my home . . .which now burned and turned to ash . . .now its time to leave and say i love you,..Goodbye . . .DJP.]