..there are things which came in your life so unexpectedly, just caught you off guard. I always told him that he was an answer to my prayers. I always wanted to think that he is the man for me, yes, somehow. For me, he is a best friend, I am telling him everything, what I feel and what's on my mind. He knew me enough and he knows how much i love him. Lem is someone who cannot twist and turn, he's tough yet I heard him cry which makes him too tough. I love everything about him, he was real at everything. He is someone who makes me stupid, who always sees my imperfection but still accept it wholeheartedly. He taught me about life, the reality about it, 'cause we are really opposite. He is pragmatic and I am idealistic but then we used to deal with it. I hate him of being so reserved, he don't like me to read what's on his mind or to know what he really feel yet I am used to understand it.
There are times that he makes me feel like I was not existing in his life, but sometimes he do show me that i am important. I do feel that he love me in different way, in his own way.

Suspension

Gravity, an attraction that force me to stride on the ground. I wish I could be on the moon, so I could just suspend in the air with the enormity feeling that succumb my vivacity. I’m in the edge of turmoil, it was a bitter- sweet pain. I know it was nowhere to go, I was lost and nothing I could ever do is to forget what I starting to relish in my life. Can I say you are a gift? Maybe yet I could never have. Being with you is like walking in a place that I always wanted but I know will never be forever.    

“Bergundy”

I was writing a story of someone who was dear in my heart, his love story. Funny, I am not included in it because he is the one included in my own love story. There is no bitterness only sadness, maybe that is an ordinary thing after all. He love someone else, oh well how many times I told about it, maybe a couple of times. The only thing I’m thankful about is our friendship that I hope I could keep, can it be forever? If there is forever. I looked at the window and saw the moon smiling at me but as I was writing this now when I glanced at it again it’s gone. Have you seen the moon in its burgundy hue, it reminds me of shattered fold emotions that bounded with doubt and fear.   

Suspension

Gravity, an attraction that force me to stride on the ground. I wish I could be on the moon, so I could just suspend in the air with the enormity feeling that succumb my vivacity. I’m in the edge of turmoil, it was a bitter- sweet pain. I know it was nowhere to go, I was lost and nothing I could ever do is to forget what I starting to relish in my life, in my heart. Can I say he was a gift? Maybe yet I could never have. Being with him is like walking in a place that I always wanted but forbidden to go through. What could I feel? How could I act naturally? How could I keep myself and the trepidation- melodic sensation that I have for him. How could I accept to myself that he was as if an old song that I never tired to listen again and again? The mere fact that he was part of my life gives me worthwhile contentment, and maybe that’s all it is. There are times that I ask myself how I even survive to the truth that he loves someone else; he was undeniably inlove with that girl. I already acknowledge that reality; I want to shout at myself how stupid I am but how could I? How could I justify the means? If there are things that you cannot explain and nothing you can do with it because without your consent it just ruled your life, your heart. How I wish that this feeling could vanish in a snap, it was the best feeling but it is also one thing that hurts me so much. No matter how I convince myself that he is not for me, that he was just a friend I still feel the same. I CANNOT ACCEPT NOR BELIEVE THE VERITY THAT I LIKE HIM OR WORST I’M INLOVE WITH HIM: IT WAS A TERRIFYING REALITY. The truth is he will never know, and I will never let him knew it. I’m too worn out of getting hurt, not this time; I want to treasure what we have: FRIENDSHIP. I’m exhausted to face fact that he will never look at me the way I want it; that I cannot see myself in his eyes, even for just once. 

Subsist

How could I admit the reality..

Yes, the reality that I don’t want to exist.

In the reality that you exist

Which I don’t exist.

It was all hovering, about you and me..

About us never exist.

"Life bEyond SiYensya": a worthwhile love

"Life bEyond SiYensya": a worthwhile love: "HE is someone who made my life complete. . HE's someone who makes me happy..who makes me smile . .who makes my life worthwhile. now, i ..."